I am having a funny old day today – good, but funny. My brain and hands are itching to be doing so many different things at once that I don’t know which way to turn. I am so aware that currently this blog is so ‘me-centric’ and I am dying to expand my blog posts beyond my own wee world but at the moment my own wee world is where the action is at!
I wrote very briefly the other day about my previous (hopefully long since past) struggles with procrastination and that often fear of failure has stopped me doing so many things with my artwork – many times it has stopped me creating any artwork atall. This year all that has changed and I really feel that this has been a permanent shift in my attitude and my thinking. The events of last year have been the catalyst in my change regarding my artwork. I know now, more than at any time previously that this is what I want to be doing with my life. I have no time to waste. I have something to say.
The images I have been working on recently (every day!!) may only be ten minute (well actually they can take up to half an hour) sketches in my trusty moleskine before bedtime. That time when I am so sleepy and comfortable that I am just allowing my pencil to move across the paper, not ‘planning’, not trying to create masterpieces. But as I look back at these sketches I am seeing how intensely personal they actually are.
They are my story.
They illustrate my struggles with family, my own melancholy nature, my worries about the future. One of my friends commented last year that she would be interested to see how being diagnoses with breast cancer would influence my artwork….. I think this is that story unfolding.
I had been thinking that perhaps I should be working on larger paper but it feels as if I am creating a kind of journal of my thoughts and dreams and so I shall continue to work in my wee A6 moleskine – already I only have a few pages left and need to order a new one – I think the very first time that I have ever completely finished a whole sketchbook. This little book that is small enough to fit into one hand is becoming so much more than I ever anticipated – a representation of my heart and soul.
However I would like to make some of these images available for those that perhaps see something in them as I do. Therefore in addition to the small drawings in my sketchbook I have begun creating larger original drawings based on some of the imagery. I had planned to work on one a day but that has proved too difficult whilst I am also working on a collection of work for an upcoming exhibition. However I aim to have a few available and listed in my shop by the end of this week.
The first one is called ‘What might have been……’